Michael Mitchell: Archive

Manipulation is bullshit, not only lying, but any form of pretense, faking reality. You can manipulate someone with the truth, with facts and logic, but you can't do it openly and honestly, without including irrelevant details or excluding important information.

The sign of every manipulator is secrecy and dishonesty, covering up the truth, shrouding your view of reality. That's why most people find it so hard to detect, because most people are full of shit, too. Some people are simply better at it than others.

Most people really don't, but if you actually give a shit, then just look for qualities and attributes common to every relationship. If they don't exist, you're not in a relationship. You're being used.

Relationships are based on shared values and goals, otherwise there's no reason for two people to interact with each other beyond a simple economical exchange of goods or services. Manipulators will fake a relationship with you, sustain that long-term interaction, but only in ways that will lead to them getting what they want without having to give anything valuable in return.

That's the tell. You're always wanting and giving and rightfully expecting more and never getting it, but it's almost impossible to detect that shit until it's too late, until you've already given more than you know you'll ever receive and you're so invested it's difficult to just count your losses and move on, so most people tend to rationalize it, to refuse to accept reality and instead choose to hold out hope for change, sustaining the "toxic" relationship themselves.

It's bullshit, however, that manipulators don't know any better. They actually think it's right to con people, that that's just how the world works. They're in full control of what they're not doing or giving. That's the whole fucking game: withholding, who gets the most is who gives the least.

If you went to the store and bought a case of something and it only had half of what you paid for, would you just accept it? We don't allow that shit with strangers -- unless you're a fucking saint or a politician spending wealth stolen in the name of that shit -- but we do with the people we "love" all the time. We actually expect them to be win-lose, unfair trades.

This the essence of altruism, the belief that love is unconditional, that we should give freely to those who need it as opposed to those who deserve it. We get fairness materially, but not spiritually, because we think such values are immeasurable. Altruism is not about kindness or charity. It's explicitly designed to morally justify unfair trades, trades not based on mutually beneficial exchanges of values, but on sacrificial, cannibalistic beneficence that when judged outside of "caring" relationships is obviously shameless extortion.

It's all about needing each other. "Selfish" people need "selfless" people to "take advantage" of, but "selfless" people need "selfish" people to "take advantage" of them. They want to be used. So it's also bullshit that most "victims" are victims. It's actually a badge of honor to them.

The key concept is "value". We all value things differently based upon our personal tastes and desires and interests and beliefs, but values aren't valuable if they're attained dishonestly, so what do manipulators and they're "victims", the willing ones, really gain from each other? The illusion of self-esteem. Selflessness is not a virtue.